I am a “one and done” type of person. I want to say this is a positive trait of mine, but it isn’t always.
My parents met when they were in 10th and 11th grade – which I think is amazing. I tried to force a high school relationship to work WAY passed the time it should’ve ended simply because I wanted to be one and done. (Thank goodness I wasn’t – because I never would’ve met Michael Moody!) I met people the first semester of college and by senior year they were still the only people I was friends with. There isn’t much wrong with this – I love my college friends! But Harding is an enormous school and I regret not branching out and getting more involved. I went to our social club open house and spoke to ONE club each of the two nights. I chose between two of the 15+ clubs on campus without looking into any of the rest and pledged a club without anything to compare it to. I chose a major while I was still in high school. In the middle of college, I knew I didn’t love it. My heart was not in it. I saw other people enjoying their degree path and envied that. But I didn’t change my major, because I was going to be one and done.
Can you see a pattern? I jump one way or another pretty fast. I rarely take any time to weigh options. I hate options. Even if I hate my decision, at least the decision-making part is over, right??
If I fail at something or choose wrong – I simply place that experience in a box and put it away. I don’t try again, I don’t grow from it, I throw a pity party for myself and plan to ignore that memory forever. This way, it’s clean and organized.
This blog is a prime example of this. One day, after following countless bloggers on Instagram, I decided I wanted to do that too. Why not? It’s 2018 you can do whatever you want with your Instagram! I made a website, had multiple photo shoots (shout out: Ali Payne) and fully embraced the blogging thing. I was nervous, but I got a ton of positive feedback. I even got emails from online clothing stores wanting me to represent them. I got messages from people I didn’t know asking me where my clothes were from. It was so cool.
Then, I had one rude comment. Someone commented on a picture of me, making fun of what I was trying to do. It was patronizing and made me feel really dumb.
I hate this about myself…but that’s all it took! I couldn’t make an Instagram post or write content for my blog without feeling like an idiot, a poser, a wannabe, etc. I also started thinking people were judging me, that they thought I was self-centered or something. Millions of these negative thoughts about myself started filling my head and I couldn’t shake it. So I was done.
One and done.
Why try again? Obviously it didn’t go well, right?
Because of one comment – one random person thought what I was doing was weird. And I let them take my favorite hobby away from me and make me feel small.
Life can’t be like this. We are going to fail, we are going to choose wrong, and we are going to change our minds or our paths. We can’t make life perfect or organized. It is ever changing and growing and experiences make us who we are. Your life can’t end when something like that happens. You can’t always throw your hands up and quit.
I like blogging. About lots of stuff. I like telling stories, or writing about my walk with God, or yes, sharing my outfits. I like clothes, okay?
I don’t want to be someone always trying to prove myself. I don’t want to live my life always worried I’m the topic of someone’s group text.
So what if I am? So what if you are?
Your life is your life. You only get one. (cue Drake – yolo)
If you get knocked down, get back up. Don’t just sit there defeated. Don’t give anyone that power.
Do what makes you happy and if you choose something and decide later that it isn’t making you happy anymore, find something else. You do not have to have a one-track, picture perfect plan for your life.
I feel as if I’m rambling so I’ll wrap it up like this:
God made you and He’s got you. Live your life for the approval of HIM and Him only. The only “one and done” decision you need to make is to follow Him. The rest of it is incredibly unimportant in the grand scheme of things!